If you are lucky you were born (or adopted) into a loving, supportive family where your dreams and ambitions were supported, encouraged and nurtured. Where your failures are just stepping stones to your final destination. Your dreams are validated just because you are loved and believed in and you aren’t afraid to reach for the stars, jump in with both feet, wear your heart on your sleeve and forever look for the good in all things.

Sometimes you get even more lucky where you forge friendships with people that are so like minded, that share your enthusiasm and passion to reach your ultimate goal and a special bond is created. Your dreams and ambitions are not only supported but shared and you lift each other up, encourage each other through the most difficult times. You lean on each other in times of doubt and frustration and are there in a minute as soon as needed without question without having to be asked and not judged if due to your own circumstances you are unavailable at that time. These people get a special place in our lives, these people get their own title. These people make up our FRAMILY!

These people, our Framily are people we connect with on a different level and understanding than those we are raised with. We are not obligated to them in a sense of the family unit. Through appreciation and love for each other they become our sisters and brothers. You are there for each other because you want to be, not because you feel you have to be. In many ways this is a more genuine relationship. When we were little emphasis was put on always being there for your family no matter what. Have your brothers/sisters back. Always keep an eye out for them. Family was always put first and rightly so. Family was the strongest bond you had. As we grow up we are encouraged to make friends with cousins, with classmates, with co-workers. In these times some of us are lucky, blessed,  with a gift. The gift of discovery of choice.

I wanted to talk about this subject because recently homestead life as we know it has been challenged by events that are life altering. In the past Month and a half we have been blessed with the ability to stand up, in and for members of our Framily. I can not and will not go into detail out of respect for them of course but I can tell you this. Not allowing a sweet, caring sister to go through and worry over a medical procedure by herself was not a service I did for her but a service she did for me by allowing me to witness her vulnerability, her fear. Her deep emotions of concern regarding the potential future in front of her. She gifted me the opportunity to hold her hand and let her know she would not be alone on this journey. By the grace of a higher power all tests came through with favorable results. She is a survivor on many levels. She is always available to lend an ear to offer comfort and to guide and educate me in the most interesting, spirited ways. She and I have a creative kinship and have been friends since our middle school years.

Another close, sweet, caring homestead family we are grateful to have in our lives had a horrible accident happen on their homestead. We live very close to the northeast coast which makes the ocean part of our homestead lifestyle. We gather shellfish, fish and trap lobster all to add surplus to our freezers for the winter months. Just like farming equipment, water vehicles need maintenance and accidents can and do occur.  I can’t emphasize how grateful we are that things were not worse.  There was an explosion, a fire, hospitalization, surgery and now the recovery process. We were at ready willing and able. There was no need to ask, no need to tell. We’ve got it. The very last thing that any of them needed to worry about was taking care of the homestead, although you know they did because that is what we do regularly on a homestead. Our kids and I were back and forth between homes to take care of all the animals throughout the day, to be there for utility services to repair damage to the house. The house amazingly was untouched by the flames thanks to the quick action of neighbors and an off duty firefighter who with fire extinguishers and the garden hose kept the flames from the house. Our brother is home now and the recovery process is a long road he has to travel and we will be there to assist as needed while he heals because he can not care for the animals, yard, gardens or buildings until he is healed and cleared by his doctors. When my dear friend took a minute to breath and relax a little when we knew things were going to be ok. As bad as it was it was going to be okay. The wounds will heal, it will just take time. Her words to me left me in a state of pure gratitude to have them in our lives. “Everyone was asking what they could do, YOU just did it.” She wasn’t in a state of mind to think never mind remember what needed to be taken care of or when.  Happily I can say that our friend is home, comfortable but bored with a very good recovery prognosis.

You don’t always have to be physically available to the people closest to you either. One of my very best and oldest friends lives about 1000 miles away but she and I alike are willing to drop what we are doing to answer the phone, to lend and ear to sometimes just listen to each other vent or to bounce ideas off each other. We have been friends for over 45 years and I couldn’t imagine her not being part of my life. Part of my children’s lives. We have endured major challenges and upsets throughout that time. We have mourned together, shared beautiful joys together, we vacation and recharge together as much as we can and although we don’t talk daily because our schedules don’t allow it we are there for each other and we both are acutely aware of this.

So although family is a blessing and the first bonds we create, the members of our framily are those we choose to have in our lives. Additionally sometimes we can be hurt deeply in this process as we sometimes put much more into a relationship weather it be energy or faith and someone you thought you were on that same level with suddenly and without any hint or explanation decides that isn’t for them. Or they expect much more from you that they are willing to invest themselves. I have mourned some of those friendships and connections I believed in. I have had people tell me that they didn’t think someone else was a good friend to me and it happens to turn out they were right but for me friendship isn’t about what someone else can do for me but what I can do as a friend to them, for someone I care about.  For someone I deeply care about and consider my friend-family.

So, who makes up your Framily?

xo